If I waited for perfection, I would never write a word.”
Margaret Atwood, writer
Anyone who experiences an event in life that consumes, even momentarily, our attention, understands that, well, life happens. In the moment, we are focused on the present. Thinking ahead can be a chore, even nonexistent, because we are caught off guard from our routines.
Perhaps we, or a loved one, have a sudden health issue that requires our attention. Among doctor’s visits, medications, bills piling in our mailbox, decisions to make, and our emotions running the gamut, our focus might be on this one thing for weeks.
Getting married (or children’s marriages), new babies, job changes, moves across the country; the list continues as to what can consume our time.
Some events are traumatic for us; we find ourselves trapped in an emotional prison.
Hurricane Helene hits Western North Carolina
When Hurricane Helene, a Category 4 hurricane, hit our area in Western North Carolina Sept. 27, most of us experienced a trauma we have never felt before and weeks after the storm, we are still trying to process everything. We are going through the grieving steps because we all lost something. This destruction affected everyone psychologically.
Certain events not only consume our time, but they can drain us emotionally. Trauma can paralyze us to the point that simple things, like reading, cleaning the house, or watching television, can become an insurmountable chore.
As we navigate our emotions—stress, depression, anxiety—we also battle physical roadblocks such as exhaustion, insomnia, and weakness. Even happy events can cause us some stress and pull us away from our writing.
You might hear other writers say that to be successful, writers need to make sacrifices and focus on the writing regardless of what is happening in their family or their lives. But you know what? That is not how our life should work. We have responsibilities, we must face changed circumstances, and we have to take care of our physical and mental health. Otherwise, what good are we to anyone else?
Accepting your paralyzed, emotional state
I am not a licensed medical practitioner, nor do I pretend to be one. So take the suggestions in this article with a grain of salt. Apply what you feel is right for you. However, if you are experiencing deep trauma and depression, I implore you to talk to your doctor or therapist so you have someone on your health team.
When we are paralyzed, our head is in a fog, we struggle to focus, and all we can possibly do is sit outside and drink tea staring at the remnants of our garden (like me), you cannot and should not force yourself to do something. Your body and brain are processing events, and everyone’s brains work differently.
Avoid telling yourself you “should” be doing this or that. Or that you are useless. Do not add to your burden by worrying about when you will get back to your writing or other tasks.
Taking care of loved ones is a necessity, and our spouse and children are experiencing their own trauma response as well if it is a shared event. But make sure you allow yourself your moment. And if it is a personal trauma, you especially need to recognize that temporarily, you might not have control over your reaction. Accept your present circumstances.
“It is so delightful to have an evening now and then to oneself.”
Jane Austen, author, Northanger Abbey
At the same time, remind yourself you will get through it. You will learn the art of coping. Instead of dwelling on what you cannot control, or focusing on negatives, try to recognize at least one positive during the day, even if it is brief.
For example, although my garden was somewhat mutilated during the storm, I also noticed flowers that were unscathed. Bushes I had tied up to stand again after they were flattened, began to show signs of life from new buds. The flowers are resilient, I told myself, and so am I.
Splurge on your favorite tea or coffee and relish each sip. Flip through your favorite magazine and simply look at the pictures if reading is a struggle. If you can muster the strength to go for a walk, do that and breathe in the fresh air. Physically remove yourself from the environment that reminds you of your trauma, if possible.
Talk with friends, your spouse, and other loved ones to relieve some of your burdens and so that you have people to support you. Avoid bottling your emotions inside of you.
If you feel like crying, do it. Crying releases endorphins and toxins from your system. And then think again of something positive to complete your moment, even if it is that the crying helped you feel better.
While I mentioned that being paralyzed might affect our ability to write, if you can take a pen to paper, even if it is scattered words or phrases, jot down your feelings. Writing out our emotions does help us to vent even if it does not make sense in the moment. There were a few days within those difficult weeks that I jotted down some brief thoughts which helped me organize my emotions.
How to start writing after trauma
There is no time limit on how long certain traumas for different people last. Many events have long-term effects, while others seem to calm down after a while even if it is temporary. We might have moments where we feel paralyzed again, unable to focus or do anything.
When you feel ready to write, recognize that your previous routine might not immediately be in place. If your habit was to write at five a.m. every day for two hours at 3,000 words, you might realize that at first, that is overwhelming.
Avoid bullying yourself into being your former self. You have changed, and now, so has your writing. Likely you will get back to your previous routine, but it might be some time. Accept what you can do now. You are still healing. Your writing is your first-aid kit that you are exploring and grabbing a Band-Aid when needed.
Start at the level that is reasonable for you. Is it better to write one scene a day? A short poem? One page in your journal or essay article? A brief blog entry for your website or newsletter?
As you recreate your routine, you will know what works for you. Avoid comparing your work to others’, and if that means removing yourself from social media, do that for your own sanity.
You might also discover that your trauma and experience opened writing opportunities (such as I did with this article!). Writing about your experience in detail might also help you to heal.
For example, my experience with the hurricane has helped me draft article outlines to pitch to media outlets. Although I am still moving slowly, I am getting myself into position to pitch them.
Writing about your personal experience is not necessary and frankly, some are too traumatic. The point is to start writing when you feel ready and to write what motivates and inspires you. You might choose to focus on all the positives from or during the event to prompt your writing.
Self-care to move forward
Remember to be kind to yourself. Avoid berating yourself if you simply cannot focus or even move. Take time to heal before you revamp your routine. Your body is telling you to rest so you can be productive later.
“I’m tired, I think—tired of being studious and ambitious. I mean to spend at least two hours tomorrow lying out in the orchard grass, thinking of absolutely nothing.”
L.M. Montgomery, author, Anne of Green Gables
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